CSEC Expressions
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Written Expressions
Writing by CSECs:
- Untitled
- Negro Child
- 10 Things I Would Tell A Twelve-Year-Old Girl Who Was In “The Life”
- 20 Things People Say or Do to Make You Feel Bad for Having a History of CSEC
By Anonymous SEM
All my life I’ve been rejected
All my life I’ve been neglected
All my life I’ve been disrespected
All I ever wanted to be was protected
So I choose to feel with something that needs to be injected
People don’t understand and most times I don’t either
I just feel scared and alone and I do not want to feel either
I feel like I’m drowning in a swarm of confusion
Praying it’s all just a dream, life just an illusion
It’s self-persecution like a slow suicide
You can run, you can run but you cannot hide
Sometimes I feel like I can’t take it anymore
Growing up as a kid I never dreamed I’d be a whore
I keep hearing this voice inside my head saying 'you’ll never be nothing more and you’re better off dead'
And it hurts so bad thinking that this is all that I am good at
Thinking about the shoulda, coulda, would haves Knowing that there’s nothing I can do so what’s the point in even trying
Knowing that each day I’m slowly dieing what’s the point in crying
I’m tired of people always lying to me
Why can’t they see this is all I’ll ever be?
Maybe I should just end it all I know its kinds hard when you’re in Juvenile Hall
But that doesn’t mean that I can’t bash my head up against the wall
I know there’s a big world out there but damn do I feel small
Will anybody answer when I call out for help?
My voice has no sound no matter how loud I shout
I found my way in but I can’t find my way out
I have my hopes but there consumed by doubts
I feel like a prisoner of words unsaid
Just lonely feeling locked away in my head
I should start to speak but I stop and stay silent
In the fear that you may get violent
Too many words yet not enough to express
All the stress that lies deep in my chest
I can’t think, I can’t rest I feel mentally compressed
I know life is a trade off but it is also a test
I know I should feel blessed that I have been given a chance but I know I’m going to fail so I am just going to fake it until I make it you can take my heart but you can’t break it
You think that I trust you but don’t mistake it for something that it is not for what may have been forgiven will never be forgot
Remember I say cold you say hot I feel like a prisoner of words unsaid, just lonely feeling locked away in my head
I should speak but I stay silent on the fear that you might get violent To my head is my hand with a gun and it’s cold
And it’s hard when there is nowhere to run and you’ve encaged yourself by holding your tongue
I feel like a prisoner of words unsaid…don’t worry these are only lonely feelings locked away in my head.
©2009
By a 14 year old child that did not want to see another child lost
Confused Negro Child lost in worldly things
Cry herself to sleep every night wondering what tomorrow brings
Search for love in the wrong places from a nigga’ in the streets
But doesn’t want nothing but money from her and direct her love to the sheets
As her feet bleed and blisters from the concrete that she beats faithfully
Yet the sting on her face from his slap means nothing
But try harder to get his money
Tho he tells her she’s beautiful
But when she looks in the mirror it cracks
She believes the relationship she’s in is love
But she also realizes she’ manipulated
As she sits in the backseat of his car while his potna’ is in the front
heading to the track
Her eyes begin to water
He asks what is wrong but not like he cares
He’ just making sure it don’t affect his money
She says nothing when it’ really something; she’ really fucked up in the head
He knows she’ hurtin’ but shit, she’ the least of his problems
He has a wife and child to go home to tonight, while she sits in the Motel
6 waiting for him the next morning
As she walks down the blade she notices there’s a lot of police
She calls him but he don’t care
That night she didn’t return
So he goes out to look for her
She’s nowhere to be found
He calls her but her phone is off
He calls the county jail, she’s not booked in
He rides around asking pimps, they claim the last time they saw her, she
turned a trick
He rides around once again
Through every hood and back road, but still she’s nowhere to be found
He looks in hills and alleys, still no sight of her
He goes back to her room at the Motel 6 where she is lying peacefully,
naked, cold
Lucky for him, the room is not in his name
He turns to leave and doesn’t look back
For he has a family to go home to tonight
She’s the least of his worries and problems
But now the confused lost Negro Child is found
Found caught up in worldly things.
©2009
10 Things I Would Tell A Twelve-Year-Old Girl Who Was In “The Life”
By Anonymous CSEC
1. The first thing I would tell her is to slow down and stay a kid and do what kids do. Love to be young while you can.
2. “The life” that you are tryna live is not the lifestyle you’re gonna want 4eva.
3. There are a lot of dangerous things that can happen such as rape, hooked on drugs, kidnapped, keep goin back and forth to jail and neither one is good.
4. Also never put your life on hold or jeopardy for a man because a man can manipulate you to do stuff that you are not ready for even if they tell you they love you and you da only one they want because all dat is is game and that come with “the life.”
5. Also, peer pressure is a mug, but just because all your friends does it and says its cool don’t mean you have to do it. Say no and walk away and just because you said no does not mean you are not cool in reality you’re the coolest one because you walked away from trouble yo friends were tryna get you do.
6. Try to stay a virgin for as long as you can because 90% of men just want one thing from you and they will do or say wateva just to get in between.
7. Also, if you’re already sexually active please use protection because you can catch a STD or even worse HIV and mainly pregnancy. Trust me, I been through all this you don’t wanna be a young mother tryna make ends meet especially if you end up a single young parent its hard.
8. Also, always respect your parents. Yes, I know the can be tough on your back and make you mad but you should always respect them because living fast at a young age any trouble you get into your parents will have to dome and get you and you don’t wanna burn bridges with them because parents do and will get tired.
9. Another reason why you should try and stay out of the life is because if you’re the oldest you want to be the best role model you can be because your little siblings are looking up to you and if they see you wild’n out or disrespect your parents, when they get older they’re gonna think it’s cool to do that and it’s not.
10. Listen to me cause I been there and I don’t want any girl to go through what I went through not even my worse enemy because the life that everybody think is cool and go!! It’s really not it’s very dangerous so think twice before you try and live the life. Stay a kid in a kid’s place for as long as you can because once you’re legally grown there’s no going back and trust if you grow up fast your gonna wish you was still a kid so take it from a survivor and please stay out of “the life.”
©2009
20 Things People Say or Do to Make You Feel Bad for Having a History of CSEC
By Anonymous SEM
1. A Person can start whispering to their friend or a person next to them when you enter somewhere such as if you get on the bus and everybody turns and looks at you and then someone starts whispering.
2. A person or a crowd bursts into laughter and points at you when they see you.
3. A person could call you all types of names such as “whore,” “ho,” “bitch,” depending on what type of situation you were in and all of those words can make you feel really bad about yourself sometimes.
4. People can be disrespectful and spread rumors about you and lies to make the situation even worse than it is.
5. Your family could turn their back on you and treat you different because of all the stuff you’ve been through in your past and that can make you feel really bad.
6. Certain people can discriminate against you and no matter what it’s against the law to discriminate anybody and that can make you feel really angry and bad at the same time.
7. Say you were a sexually exploited youth and a couple of people find out and call it prostituting such as your family and you ate off certain plates and used certain bathrooms. They could act real funny and not want to use the same dishes or bathrooms you use.
8. Your close friends can start acting funny towards you and not tell you the reason why and you will feel like they turned their backs on you. That will hurt really bad especially if they are your close friends.
9. Your family and friends could start trying to misuse and manipulate you and that could hurt you mentally.
10. Say you were raped and you told a couple of people that you thought was gonna comfort you and y’all fell out, they can throw in your face “at least I ain’t getting raped” and they don’t know what it feels like to be raped but yet they throw it in your face.
11. Your boyfriend can break up with you because of the stuff you been through in your past. He can disagree and think that you are scandalous and break up with you and that can really hurt you if you been with that guy a long time.
12. People can start neglecting you such as: no longer speak to you, don’t wanna be seen with you, don’t wanna sit/stand next to you.
13. Your teachers can also start to treat you different than others and that’s just wrong but it will and can hurt you real bad.
14. People can say you lying about everything you been through in your life like saying how you were raped over and over again. They can start believing the other person over you and that can hurt really bad.
15. Say you get pregnant at a young age and everybody said that they would be there and end up turning their back on you. They could pretend like everything’s fine and dandy but behind your back sayin’ bad things about you and that really hurts when they say they gonna be there and don’t.
16. You can have people wanting to be your friend or a boy to be your boyfriend for all the wrong reasons.
17. Boys can try and get with you because they feel you are easy to get with them because you been through a lot in the past and if you turn them down they can call you all types of names.
18. People can think that you’re the problem every time something happens no matter who’s there and what happens they can always blame it on you just because of your past.
19. Certain jobs may not wanna hire you because of your past and what happen and what you have been through.
20. Lastly, people can always misuse and abuse you mentally and physically, and always have grudges against you.
But, it’s up to you to keep your head up and don’t let none of these 20 things keep you down. Stay proud and ahead and you will get far…
©2009
Visual Expressions
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